She was always the quiet one, happy to be apart from the others. Her teachers often remarked on how well behaved and polite she was, but when it came to discussing her introverted nature, it was done in cautious tones.
"Surely, she is a different child at home?" they'd say.
"No", we'd reply in unison, a solid barrier between this child and whatever might threaten her. "She's just shy".

It was more than shyness. We could never discuss that in mixed company. Her silence was learned, formed from endless hours of being pushed aside and ignored. Her father couldn't be interrupted once Sports Center came on; his eyes glazed over at the television screen until she dare speak. Her words were met with anger, a spanking, a "So God help me ..." She became the paint on the walls, the padding sound of bare feet on carpeting, the worn ends of the La-Z-Boy rocking in the corner of the living room.

When he returned her  to us on Sunday evenings, she was wholly defeated.

Years of court appearances, mediation and paperwork usher in a new definition of family. We retreat to the safety of the Atlantic, hugging the shoreline, burying our hearts deep into the sand. The pain lifts like morning fog; all at once there and then ... nothing.

And now she teeters on the precipice of that strange chasm between girl and woman, staring down the faces of what could be and what might have been. She battles demons we cannot see, evidenced by the ribbons of pink and purple hovering above her bones. Bravery and fortitude are her mantle, every action carefully weighed and considered before a step forward. The nets that lie in wait to catch her look like snares, a trap to weigh her down with codependency and shame.

She walks on. She walks alone.

My husband and I  huddle together in the dark hours, whispering solutions to problems we don't fully understand. Those Sunday evenings of regret and apologies are long behind us, but their affects are ever present. Desperation and empty threats are our only arsenal. We attack, then retreat to lick our wounds.

She was oh so little once, with impossibly blue eyes and blonde ringlets. I'd swaddle her wriggly body and sing her to sleep, pausing to nuzzle her fat cheeks or kiss her rosebud nose. The power of motherhood is strongest when they are so new. A touch of the hand, an enveloping pair of arms, some milk - all perfect remedies for whatever ails your child.

"This is the hardest thing," my husband says with a sigh. "The reality has sunk in that no matter how much she's hurting, there is nothing - nothing - that you or I can do to make it go away".
And we huddle together in the darkness once more, buoying each other through the tidal waves of madness.

 Recently, a dear friend was asking our group if mindfulness meditation was appropriate for her teen. Most of the responses were positive or "What the heck is mindfulness?", but there was one response that became louder than the others.

"This raises red flags all over the place for me. The lotus flower on the website is symbolic of Buddhism. That's where it originated, after all. The music on the site sounds like a yoga CD from Target, and we don't want our kids to be bowing to false Hindu gods like people who do yoga. Run! Get yourself a good Christian counselor and don't look back!"

It really chaps my thighs when Christians act so fearful and foolish. In this case, I feel it was just a matter of not knowing scripture well enough to be okay with a lotus flower and flute-y tunes on a website.

What does the bible say about the mind?

• Romans 12:12 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
• 2 Corinthians 10:5  - We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ
• Matthew 22:37- And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
• Phillippians 4:6-9 -  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Here's my Wednesday confession: I spend way too much time reading about psychology.

Last year, I knew next to nothing about borderline personality disorder. With all our researching, reading, conference-ing and talking about it in our community ... I still feel like we're miles behind where we should be.

What I know for sure:
Our brains are hard-wired for negative thoughts and internalizing negative experiences as future negative thoughts (e.g., "Remember that one time, at band camp, when I peed my pants in front of everyone?"). If we can master the art of reprogramming our brain to internalize positive experiences, we can transform ourselves into happier human beings.

Happiness generates a healthy life. A happier human being has a stronger immune system than an unhappy human being. A happier human being is less sedentary. A happier human being is a breeding ground for dopamine, the "I feel great!" hormone. Happier human beings have no internal drive for bringing pain or stress to other human beings - or themselves.

With all the stress, confusion, medical expenses, & general suckage that can come with parenting a teen with borderline personality disorder - it would be really easy for the Mr. & I to throw in the towel, sink deep into negative thoughts and stagnate there. The exceptional thing is finding moments of happiness and downloading them into our brains. I don't know about you, but I deeply desire an exceptional life. Isn't it amazing that the human body is designed in every way to heal itself? Isn't it amazing that we can empower ourselves simply by changing the way we THINK?

Marinate on that for a minute.